I can make it through another day...

I Miss Home.

All I Ask

I can't find the words
I just want my wings back
I never asked for more
I never asked for flowers at my door
I never asked for sweet promises
That's usually sealed with kisses
I never asked for you to change
Because I might not do the same
I never asked for all the riches that will only rust and rot on earth
They're only temporary mirth
I never asked for all these things
For me not true happiness it brings
All I ask
You be true to yourself and me
All you've said; you be.

©2OO6

-Aimz

29thMay'O7

4.36 pm, TUES - goodness. what a boring day. actually the peace and quiet is quite nice actually. i've pulled open the couch into a bed and laid all my books around me. love it. well i was awoken by a phone call yet again and proceeded with some chocolate milk and cookies.
It's funny how you still have something to talk about with someone you don't talk to anymore. or how that someone could come up with so much crap to prolong the conversation. friendly....but not friends.
Just pay me back, ok?

I really need to start back on my Qi Gong. I truly have slacked in that line.

hmm....
laundry
email dad
spring clean

...egad.
2 more things....

Mayzy, can break a heel anot?

A breakthrough?
What be it?

Books piled up
Knowledge upon knowledge
Secret wishes
And daring dreams
A consolation of the heart
Funny,
The ironicalness
But how it all falls into place
And how justice paints a bigger picture
Unfair still
As much as we want it to matter
What bigger picture is there?
You see that in each one you are in it
But of course, it is your life
And then there are those
Whom shall always be part of it

It is not always a matter
Just that apart from change and uncertainty
I cannot always mold the situation
For not every detail i can spare
And i am sorry for with-holding back my part
But the least that i want is pity
Please understand

A spec of dust
Nothing to you or me
But that which stands in visible grandeur
Is but the accumulation of something which was nothing
Please be patient

Nobody ever got anywhere
Without starting somewhere

Part I

Recap.End.Begin.

Recap of the 4th Semester....

This semester started out pretty good. I came back with fresh hopes and determinations for things that changed and the things i wanted to change.
The first few weeks were fabulous. I was a walking sunshine. The view from my balcony changed in a way; the feelings changed; in a good way. And love was great.

But life throws challenges at the very things you strive to change or attain. Any new vow beckons trial. And mine was put to the test.

For one, writing has saved me.
I may not be as good as my sister but i love it no less. And well you don't have to be measured good in writing to be able to write. i mean if it helps, just write; spill your expressions in your own words. It's for you. :)
Anyways, i type in the days on Word more than i write them in my journal nowadays cause it seemed more convenient. But i still love Blooking!

Well. this semester i would say was much better than the past two. but the past semesters served their purpose and i have no regrets.

It seems so ironic. but it is the way it is. and it is the way i perceived it to be.

Earlier this year, i was a mediator for most and a faithful listening ear. i answered to calls of dear friends in crisis. and i learned a lot too from helping others. i recognized some of the situations as ones i have gone through as well in the past. even ones that i knew i would anticipate soon in time.

27th January'O7-

Where you are now

Sometimes you might forget

The horizons that are yet to cross your path

Once in a while it’s good to look ahead

Imagine a beautiful life

And come back to the moments you have with you now

Live each day with a smile in your heart

Know and believe in the beautiful days to come

Cherish the beautiful days you have now

Keep smiling

You will get there

. . . . . . .

Well looking back i have been pretty optimistic. I carried on positively despite the unexpected twist and turns of life. and looking for the good in the not so good things has helped a lot. i know it ain't easy but we do have the power to change our lives. (hohoho)

Grew much closer to my classmates this sem. We barely had lunch at college anymore so we would drive out for lunches. it was coolies. and one time i joined in on the Counter Strike team (-_-). being the only girl in class, it was fun i guess kicking ass these hardcore gamers. ha-ha.

February'O7-

Through the sunshine & the bliss

Was a reason to believe

Through the tears & heartache

Was the determination to change

I could have let go

Literally

But I learned and have grown

With this new hope in the heart

Taking its first steps

It is never easy

For any new vow beckons trial

Some days I smile through it

But some days I feel like giving up

I no longer hold a hand to be with

I no longer expect much…

I give this heart willingly

Realizing that I still hope it be held on a pedestal

No more…

No more…

I no longer push nor stand still

I’m moving forward

I’m taking you with me

Let’s move forward

Lets…

. . . . . . .

[January-May 2OO7]

Most over-used word: what?

Most over-used phrase: Time flies by so fast!

My broken record: too many to mention....i love music :)

My thirst quenchers: Green tea, Justea, Vanilla Milkshake, Fresh Milk, Teas and Coffee...Water.

My hunger satisfiers: Spaghetti, Porridge, Fruits, Lamb chop....take out!

Mind cussing: Mother E!

Books: Fiona Harrold, The Road Less Traveled and Beyond (still reading), The Wildlife Year....Art & Fashion magz for inspiration

Nail color: Vain Purple, Pastel Pink, Glittery Silver

Peeves: lack of sleep, late buses, rude people

Loves: chilling at the balcony, my besties, nice weather, the cooling breeze, singing on a bad day, vanilla milkshake on...any day :) , laughing, a beautiful sky, the night sky(!), when it starts raining right after i reach my stop, when my mommy texts me, when my dad calls, when my lil' sis says 'I love you!', when i force my lil' bros to tell me they miss me *evil grin*, good surprises, good food, real people, ma'am patricia's lectures, inspiration, when mayzy is such a doinker, when vivi and dudu are such doinkers, good movies, sleep.....mucho mucho....

. . . . . . .

Before i knew it, the tables were turned. it was my turn to reach out. and dear friends gladly answered my call. it was weird at first. but i was non the less grateful to be blessed with such beloved people. thank you :)
And yes, surprisingly though i had anticipated some things, what i had lost, i had gained a hundred times more. and it would not have been possible had i not been counting my blessings. cause it would have been so much easier to over-look the little joys of life. but hey, i chose otherwise.

to be continued...

Sunday Morning.

10.19 am - I slept in today. well just until 10. and i actually went to bed quite early last night. fell asleep reading. It was a long and exhausting day yesterday but never short of fun when Mayzy is in it *nyahaa*

wow. during the weeks of college agony i didn't really get a bad cough other than an itchy and sore throat. well i was unwell a couple of times but just as far as aches and migraines can go and even that was due to lack of sleep and the work frenzy. but when i woke up today i had lost half of my voice.
and i finally had a real cough just now. really.
before i would call it a dry cough but this ain't dry...

ANYWAY

It has been 3 straight Sundays that i have been getting phone calls from people who have no shame at all. the nerve of calling me and assuming that it's all cool.
damn it people, i feel sorry for you.

And tonight God be with me that i find the right words to speak. for some people truly do not deserve face. sigh. well there's no point in speaking blatant lashes. so let it be short and kempt.

. . . . . . .

Emancipation.

FINALLY!!!
F . i . n . a . L . L . y .

...YES. The 4th semester has come to an End...

*Overwhelmed*

A break for now.
And i can blog without looking at the time and think of the work that need be done.
: )

Nyahahahaha~
My happy list awaits me.


Shout out to my classmates:

Thanks for making this semester a fun and enjoyable experience..!
Love you guys!
*sorry, some of you are left out from the pics!*
(thanks Sing for the pics!)

Sing, Me & Eddy with our packaging set



Kevin, John & Brian *aaww aren't they cute?* XD


Me & Seto with his light bulb packaging design






. . . . . . .

Friday. May 25th. - I finally submitted everything today. I was tempted to take the cab what with all the bulk of assignments i had to carry (which were not only mine...) but after spending my kachings on printing and binding i decided to wait for the bus. Yes, the bus. It was okay though and i was glad i didn't opt for the taxi. At college: submit. submit. submit. Submit, damn it!
...and after that i couldn't help grinning on the bus ride home...ha-ha.
I got me my fav green tea drink to soak up the sense of accomplishment. : )

The past few weeks were mad. Those grueling days of stress and anxiety. sleepless nights and days. not that there wasn't any much time to sleep. but even the thought of work that needs to be done can keep you awake.
i realized it had been more than a month that i had been giving the same answers to my peeps:
'aimz, busy?'
'yah.'

'aimz, what yo doin?'
'work...'

hahaha. damned. but of course it wasn't all that focused...

Me: Mayzyyyyy.......!!! I can't focusssss!!.....I keep procrastinating... I don't want to...but i have to!! ...Lazy....

or better yet:

'Okay, i'm off to have a 'nap' now... :)'

aaahhh. well i can call it a break for now. hee~ I do still have loads to put down...but i guess i'll leave that for another day. maybe tonight. lol.

C h e e r S !

Desert Dawn.

The dawn too is a memory
Of home and of you
The whispers that escape the early mornings
Before life breaks the still of rest
The twilights that drown in the great light
It is calm.
Change does take place
And songs do take you on rides
To yesterdays or hopeful tomorrows
The poet sleeps in the tranquil moments
And stirs to the splashed colors on the canvas that is life
It is beautiful
Through all its brokenness and flaws
It is human
It is life
And it is how you paint it.

-7.OO am.23rdMayO7.

Huhu~ It's been a while....
Today is the day of presentation once again.
Yesterday was a good day--for printing.
: )
It only started pouring as my bus arrived home.
And the breeze for the walk back was so serene.
Emo-ness.
Ha-ha
C h e e r S

It's Over?!...NOT!!

DESIGN STUDIES....X!!!

Yes...as the title suggests it's not really over...BUT most of the hardships has been surpassed~! Presentation with the client is finally over and done with! And we left the college around 7.30 pm. it was dark and hallow. eerie. but for one, I'm so relieved. HOWEVER, we still have to present one more time this Wednesday. huh~! well at least there's not much left but a little correction and the journals.

After my bus finally arrived this morning on the way to college i thought i was gonna murder the bus driver. seriously. i was cussing all the while i was waiting for the unpunctual bus... -_-** well only in my mind.
when you're late you find yourself running after the bus. and when you're not you seem to be waiting for ages. damned. anyhows finally made it to college and met up with the group. proceeded to do some more final printing (damnit!)
Oh here's the best part. as i touched down college grounds my two members honked me and i hopped into the car with them and we were driving back to street mall (basically back to my place)...after all that waiting! they could have just came to my place instead... wth.
well. my day wasn't over.
we were on our way to puchong next for printing. all that hassle of finding the right paper and resizing/ editing/ editing *#@%*#$. and finally printing. in between hoping that nothing else screws up.
had lunch. and i was sinking into a low drive enthusiasm for the presentation. apparently we had to wait for the client and guide him back to college with us. the sun was too bright. made me sleepy. had my shades on and caught some eye-shutter the ride back. the sky was beautiful though.

omg. i was sulking about my purple bag which was the savior of my whole to and fro trips since i had loads to carry with me today. well. it started in the car when the belacan spilled in my bag @_@. 1st was the strong belacan smell. then my white scrunchy caught on @_@ and well basically it was a drag cause i had my heels (wth), sunnies, package bottles all thrown in together. .... T_T

It was pleasant in some ways :)
Even with all the rushing and last minute patching up, the anxiety of the day was rather sleepy in a manner. somehow the worries of the day kind of felt weird. yet still knots and ties only bland (?) i dunno.

*pictures coming up!*

21stMayO7.

Need to vent! Need to rant! I gots a few mins cause i need to catch the bus again later.... *0* nya~! I just got back from printing..waited for the bus yet again..and i need to head to college after this...
*Beautiful Sunday playing in the background*
Aaahh....FINAL presentation today~!! Ganbate ne!
*sips on full cream milk*
well presentation starts at 3pm...hope i won't be expired by then (-_-)"
OKAY i need to go NOW!
*nyaa~*

to be continued...

19thMayO7

Time: 5.57 pm
Listening to: High -Light House Family

It's a Saturday!! and one that i hope to be able to relax...well i chose to despite the plans for today... was supposed to leave for kl this morning unfortunately for my messed up clock i woke up at 9 which was kind of late...actually i woke up to a phone call...'Pizza Hut'... @_@ haha. anyway, decided to sleep in 'till i had enough. and yes it's time to finish up those leftover work! ...a picture of my desk...as you can see my wall is bombarded by yellow post-its of to-dos and lists...which i clear up every now and then and start posting up again as i list down the to-dos of the day.....huhu~ well now they're all coming off my wall since i have one more last project to get off my hands! and oh please let it be my last week next week because i seriously can't deal @_@

Morning Blues

Time: 5.35 am
Listening to: Lady -Mojo
Feeling: Hungry + :)

Desktop: (haha...yes this is ma' current desktop...yes i was checking out your blog...and yes i'm working!)


Good morning world. there ain't no sunshine right now. it's too damn early for that. anyway this is what i call a break from work. woke up around 3am...got rid of the migraine (i know, it's too often) and was fresh up for work. my lecturer actually p.m-ed me and she asked if i was rushing on her work... @_@ haha. i told her i was 'patching up some work'. which was true... anyhows i remembered chatting with Mayzy and us both going on about how we haven't started on work/ can't focus/ procrastinating/ yada yada...and i started painting my nails (-_-)" before i fell asleep on the couch. hoho. well i was so happy today (yesterday actually) when i submitted two of my assignments--for good! now there's only design studies to focus on...all day today. ulps.

Just want to wish you peeps the best of luck for those who are still running around patching work up. submissions. presentations. finals. and the likes. and those who quote 'Dear holiday, please wait for me...!' haha. =)

Omg. Zul, thank you :)
AND sorry! about the desktop. i swear it's cute. guess it just doesn't like your comp... XD

c h e e r s

At ends will
There are new bounds created.
I strive for the last belief
That i can cope with.

I watch people stare at other people and wonder what goes through their minds.

Sometimes i feel reckless; i feel ungroomed;
i feel less than perfect (not perfect to begin with);
my hair a mess; my complexion bare; and my scents naked;
my being is less proper;
i feel the breeze run through my hair;
touch the dirt with reckless abandon;
embrace care freeness;
and i love it.

Some people like it straightforward. It ain't always about how you like it. but how you get it. i begin with why my amazement never ceases to last. for possibilities as the word itself suggests, can be a predictable unpredictability. one might not understand. when one does maybe because of similar events that a line of words seem to find relevance or meaning. there was a reason for such accounts to take place, to define you as who you are today. it ain't perfect. but you have a choice. the days when you didn't, look again, there's a chance as well. it's up to you. are you conscious of such things? it's unexpected of all mankind to grasp such a mutual understanding of things. then again, it falls under reason. for the wheel of life does go on. it's mad. it's sickening. it's beautiful. it's insane. it's everything it's turned out to be. it's everything it shouldn't be. or could be better. it's for oneself. but we don't make it alone in this world.

Tuesday.May15th.

I have no idea as for now. my bus ride was l o n g. so i was thinking up a bunch of stuff to put down. surprisingly met Fiqo at the erl station (apart from appearing in cyberia yesterday as well) *stalker* Well the whole trip was quite inspiring. from college to kl with luu. and all around. and catching the last bus and the midnight alley walk. and...and here i am now. exhausted. pretty much. all inspiration calls for 'rest' to be revived once self is recharged. i am less of artistic these days (?) whatever one may perceive. anyhows i have a week to go. a week! my FINAL college week. damned. my mind's half cruising to holiday-ness. alas i still have work to patch up. i miss home. i miss my violin. i miss the beach. i miss my siblings. i miss mom's lambchop. i miss those nostalgic moments of yesteryears.

i miss men

to be continued...

I'm Real Lyrics

Life is not Random

If you love someone
It may be a risk to let that someone know
Why?
Because you risk loosing them instead of what you hoped for otherwise
And when you don’t you torture yourself;
And you might regret;
For not ever telling at all;
When it is too late
When that person is gone
Or when you are.
Sometimes we fear for that awkwardness
Sometimes we create it
Sometimes we fear being known or being understood
Or that things will change
And you are now seen in a different light
Tell me what is different?
I guess there is…
To see now what you never saw before, but what was always there.
But when you don’t tell
You can’t expect them to know
Just by pointing out to the obvious signs;
You can’t always assume…
People don’t always take it how you think they would
It’s foolish but it’s true
If you want to, then say it…say it!
If you don’t…then don’t look back and regret
It’s unfair but you cannot expect
You can hope…but you cannot force…
This thing called Love….
And hey, a risk?

What is a risk?

To succeed or to fail
To find the same connection or rejection
To be happy or to be disappointed
To gain or to loose
Isn’t this life…
Sometimes it does harm to try
Despite the saying ‘there’s no harm in trying’
But that’s all down to you
It’s like listening
LISTENING
True listening is with-holding your judgments to the things that you might not agree on;
But not meaning that you accept them;
You’re listening to another point of view;
And you respect that;
Coming from another individual;
Who like you, has had their fair share of experiences in life
Then again, it comes down to how we perceive these experiences.
The point is,
Because you want it, you’re prepared to loose it
Whatever comes, comes
Whatever may be, let it be
At least you don’t look back to say you never gave it a shot
You did
It didn’t work out
What the hey,
You won’t die knowing you didn’t even take the chance
What is gladness without disappointments?
What is sunshine without rain?
Or what is rain without sunshine?
Sigh…
It’s hard to put it all down in one piece
Because everything is connected
And there is always more
There are always reasons
Understood or not,
Accepted or not,
Known at all or not
Sometimes, the timing was bad,
The situation does not permit
But even so, things don’t always happen in perfect conditions
You can’t always wait for the right time
Sometimes, you got to make it.

You’re an individual
With a life going on
And you know better the canvas of your life
And hey, that person there, he has a life too
Though he doesn’t seem like much
He’s an individual too.
And hey, that other guy over there, he seems to have it all together
But you have no idea what he's been through or what he's going through.
And I cannot begin to describe what one soul goes through from birth to the moment now.
You just never know.
But know that the word 'possibility' goes a long way
So though judgments may be passed
I still believe in chances.

All that you are today
Is because of all that you have gone through in your life

It’s all down to y o u

R e c A p.
(click)

.... Part II

Yes.... well on the more serious side....

Aimzy is not okay. i have barely had any decent sleep at all exceeding more than 3 hours a day. i can't keep track of t i m e. and everything else is screwed up. i hate printing as for now. i hate this neck ache (damnit!). and damned, of all the days to get P.pain why today? tomorrow's that 'big day'. then there's friday. omg then monday. the weekends are restless as well. and i can call it a week. then maybe k.o the next week (hopefully). sleep (please @_@). relax...and breath like it was something normal....can?

Sigh....i know everyone else facing their finals are friggin stressed too. so. i wish y'all the best. as for tonight. sleepless hallow.
why am i even blogging? meow.

Random Rant.

Help me...?

Picture of the day:

(This was posted on Yahoo! pictures few weeks ago...do you see what i see?? space out!)

Thought of the day:
I can do it...i can do it...no...i can't...yes!! i can!!....n...i cannn........

*cry*

Biggest desicion of the day:
To sleep or not to sleep?

Feeling of the day:
I feel like an anti-social workaholic, can?
S T R e S S!!!


Recent:
...i'm a' go get some ice--cream now...
.......

- Babe, Mayzy, this is dedicated to you. -

Full Moon

Playing: Contradanza -Vanessa Mae

Hot damn, this song! One of my all time favourite....it's my soul's escape.... :)
Well just musing over some thoughts. starting to pick up my work pace again...well i have to, considering i only have around 2 weeks more to go. yes...and workaholic aimz is such the anti-social. haha. kidding....but heck i've been telling people i just wanna focus on this last 2 weeks so lay off~! seriously....well...i can't be bothered so pardon~ne~mua! i'm trying my best here okay...and sometimes we need to be a little selfish. i'm just not one to look back and wished i'd have done my best when it's already too late. i began, so im'a finish what i started!

Thoughts, thoughts....

*stares at yellow post-its on the wall*

'I am letting go of that part that makes me afraid and holding me captive. I am LETTING GO of this fear. There are worse fears out there that are FOR REAL for some people elsewhere or even close by.'

Me. i made yet another rash decision. goodness woman, when are you going to learn!

I remember that bright shooting star and that breath-taking night canvas....i miss everything held in that moment.

Little Miss Sunshine

Movie Review: Little Miss Sunshine

I just finished watching this movie and i think it's awesome. In a sense that it is amusing and subtly moving.

Little Miss Sunshine is a 2006 Academy Award-winning dramatic comedy film about a dysfunctional family's road trip to a child beauty pageant. The film, which was directed by the husband-wife team of Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, was nominated for a Golden Globe and won the Best Feature — World Cinema Audience Award at the 2006 Sydney Film Festival. Produced by IMPACTS Entertainment on a budget of $8 million,^[1] distribution rights for the film were bought by Fox Searchlight Pictures for $10 million,^[2] which is reported to have been one of the biggest deals ever made in the festival's history.^[3] The movie was released in the United States on July 26, 2006,^[4] and had its continental European premiere on August 12 at the 2006 Locarno International Film Festival.^[5]

The film was nominated for four Academy Awards (including Best Picture), and won two: Best Original Screenplay for Michael Arndt and Best Supporting Actor for Alan Arkin. It also won the Independent Spirit Award for Best Feature.

Source-[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Miss_Sunshine]

Go cheek it out, cheers!

to be continued...

Aimzy + Mayzy

February 2OO7................................................................May 2OO7

. . . . . . .

+May. [honestly]

Playing: Be Without You -Mary J. Blige
Feeling: .....

It's already May. . .
April has left....and when it came i had anticipated some things i did not want to...but i had to. and it came. and when it did it was all and hard. everything came out that day. to the point there was nothing left to feel nor to look back.
ironically however lots of things started to happen. old ties. new ties.
I personally would like to thank Bow, Mayz, Luu & Sisters (Lyn & Viv)....
T h a n k y o u .
Thank you for being there and being such true friends....
Things aren't always as the way you expect them to be. i reckon a few of you know what i'm talking about and if you don't it doesn't matter.

Some would have thought this to be easy or at least it's wiped out from me as far as my smiles can go. please, i'd do what i can to make myself happy. and i think it's safe to say everyone does want to be happy (maybe a matter of how, why & what...) It does not mean i am a heartless shell who ignores pain. acknowledging it and living through it does not require you to carry gloom and doom everywhere you go and show it. there are times...there are moments...
Please know that i appreciate each thoughtful gesture. yet i am not at a point to go any further than my heart intends to for the moment.
it had been a long and interesting ride the past year. giving and learning to let go. exhausting yes. but hey, for what it's worth... and you can only move forward.
It's been a bit confusing this past few days. i thought it was okay. but i've had guilty notions. i do not mean to. then again, this is all i can say for now.
Well this is a bit personal but then again it's my blog and i want to vent out. so.

+No offense.