1OAugustO7.

WARNING: fcuking long post.

FEELING:


My mind must be a mess. There has been a lot of pondering and contemplation. And i have no idea where to begin. Telepopmusic plays my escape--Just Breathe. Sigh*
Omg. It's a Friday...and you know what they say about Friday nights...do you?? I don't care..
I'll make me a nice warm cup of earl grey after this (damnit i only have one darjeeling tea bag left!) and snuggle with my Spilling Open book...

The days have been willingly pleasant and strange. The days have been good. with leaks of subtle drama and thrills. There were a lot of deep convos on life and everyday norm; inspirations on living a dream; harsh realities we deal with everyday; and the many many wanderings that so often catch us off guard.

Earlier i couldn't help but overhear a conversation from a table beside talking about religion...it sounded so intriguing that i wanted to just pull a chair out and join in....the matter of the fact is i wasn't even sure what the argument was. still it sounded pretty interesting to share the point of view of another person.
Crazy this world, no?
One person insists that his way is right; 1 million people tell you their's is the right way; 1 million right ways all differing from each other.
.....
College has been quite exciting. I'm learning more and more about my course and it seems to be fueling a foundation for passion. It's not merely the workload. It's putting in your best efforts despite the boundaries put on you; or just making the most with what little you've been given; just something about making things work towards your advantage.

I realized how important it is to count your blessings. Seriously. There's always something to be grateful about in a day (it's tad bit too overrated from me to mention those little things..but you'll know what i mean..).

It's not a perfect world, yes. We're not perfect, that's why we're human. Spirits on a human journey some say....humans on a spiritual journey to others. (Pardon me for i'm on train of random thoughts now)...
Some of the little dramas (or dramatically big) that happen in our daily lives, although we may constantly be flinging our arms out in eXtreme gestures describing such events, complaining perhaps, whining perhaps, venting out perhaps, we secretly do yearn for such occurs...
I'm not saying all the dramas...or course there are always those unwanted ones...

But these things big or small are what gives us a chance to express ourselves. We may be despising the subject matter of what we're complaining about but the whole point of it is just to be heard. To express. Then again you could get teeny-tiny matters probably not even worth bringing up (those things people go on about 24/7 you don't really want to hear about...)
Back to being grateful for blessings big or small, we humans tend to (or need to!) exaggerate our selves just to make our life seem bigger...or our existence matter. For one, we're constantly finding a reason for our existence and for all other Big Questions about life and what not.
....
Sometimes it feels hard to express myself knowing that in another part of the world war is happening, poverty, and every rising global issue. Lets not go too far out of Malaysia and you can already find such occurs; its a global thing and it happens every part of the world. On the ground that i walk on daily it's enough to find the harsh realities of the world we live in.
It's scary. It's intriguing. It's insane. It's beautiful. It's sickening. It's everything that it is.

How can i be happy when at this moment a child is being abused and is hanging by the thread of his life? How can i exaggerate about the beauty of a cup of tea when someone is dying of thirst?
How can i complain that what i have is not enough when someone else has absolutely nothing to begin with? Not even the knowledge of the ideals of love we so often strive to obtain nor the meaning of rich friendships. How can i turn the left cheek from the very ideals i am fighting for when my deeds clash with my words? How can i judge that person based on a mass while i claim that i am against war?
How. how. why. why. why. how.

Goodness. a reason for everything. an understanding i may never grasp. a reason...what is it..or what are they....? what. what. what. why. how.
Even i can't give you an answer for all those questions. If you put aside your ego you might be able to recognize it as questions of your own. maybe not.
It's life. the way of life. So we make the most of what we already have. And as humans we will always want more.

Subconsciously every now and then we go against what we preach. It's scary. Even i admit to it. But it's a fact. And however we may see it, in whatever light; whether we are doing it obviously or not, subconsciously or not, controversially or otherwise; it happens.

I feel living an unexpressed life aches. Hence even the smallest awed beauty is expressed. Whether it matters to you or not, it matters to me.
It's a matter of how we express ourselves. and what perhaps.

I don't mean to go against what i may claim to be fighting for. But merely being depressed because of a part of the world that is sick and doomed doesn't really help either. Life goes on and the illusion of time that exists in forever now moments is only moving forward. We all have a part to play.
Even just one can make a difference. And that's entirely up to you.
......
*This week...
Quite a number of people have scoliosis and don't realize it. I have it. maybe that's why i have a keen eye for it.
In the news: Schoolyard Slayings, Newark, New Jersey.
Health news: 1O Symptoms Not To Ignore

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Forgive me for any offending views or statements. We're diverse human beings. We live in a world defined by borders. Variety! Unique! Weird! Strange! Different! Same! Same difference!?